Coffee vs. Tea

I fight a losing battle, it seems. It is an ancient struggle that takes no prisoners and everyone fights it. It is the Coffee vs. Tea War. Today I have found an opponent on the Tea side. He is my old friend and I call him Retsam.

Me: Where are you from and why do you like tea?

Retsam: I'm from London, England. I prefer tea because of the delicious taste, the fact that coffee makes me ill, and tea is healthy for you!

Me: Don’t you feel that you are biased because you are from ‘Tea Country’?

Retsam: Not at all! We're a very multi-drink society! We have coffee outlets such as Starbucks and Costa Coffee here, amongst other brands.

Me: But are they as successful as tea places?

Retsam: They're very, very successful. But people still buy tea from places like ASDA (the British version of Wal-Mart)

Me: Walmart, so good the British had to have a version of their own

Retsam: Yes. Well, Wal-Mart owns ASDA, you see.

Me: If, say, Sarah Palin were to promote coffee, would you switch your position?

Retsam: That depends. If she were to promote frappachinos from Starbucks, I'd be there like a shot!

Me: Let me write that down in my battle planbook.

Retsam: Very well.

Me: So what makes frappachinos different from regular coffee for you?

Retsam: They're iced and tasty. And they don't make me feel ill in the way that regular coffee does.

Me: So you are a staunch Tea Supporter, besides going to the Coffee Side for Frappachinos?

Retsam: Yes. I am very definitely a Tea Supporter!

Me: What made you become a Tea Supporter? Was it the scones?

Retsam: Yes! I was brought up on Tea from a very early age.

Me: So you admit to being brain washed.

Retsam: Yes.

Me: Did Kreia or Palin brainwash you?

Retsam: Both did.

Me: What did they bribe you with?

Retsam: Cookies, chocolate, and powah!

Me: What if I offered you cookies, chocolate, and powah to be a Coffee Supporter?

Retsam: Hmm. Interesting.

Me: I will wrap up this interview now and we can discuss my last offer later. Any last words?

Retsam: I love my Tea! You're officially invited to a Tea Party too!

Thank you again, Retsam, for allowing me to interview you! Though I might not take you up your offer...