This chapter has been edited due to content. I did make minor edits throughout the chapter. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
JORAH MORMONT
I was used to the cold and rugged life of a Northener. I was used to no true warmth as there was always a chill in the air while growing up. In Essos it had been much warmer than I was used to. If I hadn't traveled south before my exile I would have been more than confused. How could there be such warmth in a place? How could it be warm enough not to wear coats?
The cold that was now carving itself into every inch of me was much different than I was used to. It was harsher than I liked and only Tormund, the wildling, seemed happy about it. Of course he would be happy as this was home to him. This cold was his childhood. He might even be glad to feel this cold, no matter how brief the reunion would be.
Jon was now walking beside me and I kept looking ahead. He stopped as the others went on ahead. I decided it would only be polite to stop. He touched his sword that had a wolf carved into its hilt. After a moment he took the sheath from his belt and looked down at it.
"Your father gave this to me." Jon said. "He changed the bear into a wolf, but it's still Longclaw. It's still your sword."
He handed me the sword and as I felt its weight in my hands, I felt myself break apart. Holding Longclaw was like meeting an old friend after many years. Like meeting a friend who was changed and yet remained the same. It took a great effort not to cry as I felt I was truly home again. As I partially unsheathed it, it caught the light with such beauty, I realized I could never have it back. If I took it back then it would mean I was forgiven for my sins. Selling people into slavery and staining the name of House Mormont was nothing that could ever be forgiven.
I would always have Daenerys, my queen and Khaleesi, and that would be enough. It would not earn me forgiveness, but it would be enough. It would be enough to be loved by her.
"I gave up the right to own this sword." I said with each word having to be forced out. "It is your sword now, Jon. Yours and your children's."
Jon's face looked shocked at my statement. I knew he would never have any children, Daenerys was barren, and yet I had to say that. Maybe saying that would give him the push he needed to share Daenerys' bed. That was another reason I didn't deserve Longclaw. The plan felt like I was adding sins onto my already shameful list. Yet there was no other course if I wanted to keep Daenerys happy.
That conversation was the last thing I truly remembered for a long time. The many days were full of walking through vast landscapes of nothing but snow. The days were cold and yet the nights managed to be even colder. During the daylight hours the cold did its best to tear into my thick clothes. During the night it was impossible to stop the cold. How myself and the others reacted seemed to do nothing but amuse the wilding.
"Are you cold?" Tormund said one night. "Why this is the warmest it has been in years!"
"**** off!" The Hound shouted.
With that one shout all of us became on edge as we imagined the dead being alerted to our presence. During the night it was much easier to believe in the army of the dead. The way Jon had described the dead made me not want to fight them. It made me want to run and never look back. And yet I had to protect him not just because of the plan but because of reasons that were only growing stronger now that I was north of the Wall. The best way to describe what I was feeling was admiration. If there was to be a king of Westeros, it was him.
It was Jon who looked icily into the dark as if challenging any dead that came to us. It was Jon that had surprising control over Tormund. He was a good choice of ruler especially as he didn't want the responsibility.
The rest of the night was uneventful as was the following day. Now it was dark yet again with the cold that seemed to defy reality. Even though it was calm, I hardly expected that to last. Every inch of me was on edge as I imagined what might lie beyond my field of vision. I was a Northener and yet this was too far North for me. Tormund walked on as if it was a hot summer's day, as usual.
Suddenly we all stopped. In the distance was a bear. I could recognize that creature easily even though its exact form was still hidden. I was still a Mormont and I could still recognize what I had been taught to kill. I watched its motions and I felt as if something was off. There was nothing that could give it away to someone who wasn't used to fighting the creatures, but I had been trained. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Maybe it had rabies?
When its eyes became visible I knew what was off about the creature. It was part of the army of the dead. Its body was full of nothing but rage as it bounded towards us. It was more wild and angry than any bear I had encountered before. I took out my dragonglass daggers and felt a beast awaken in me. Even though the enemy was a strange bear, it was still a bear.
There was confusion for the next few minutes. Thoros was attacked by the bear and bitten badly. The bear then went for Sandor who was in fear of it. In my brain it finally clicked that fire had been used against the dead creature and now it was engulfed in flames. Sandor's face made it very clear why he was too afraid to act now.
I had been waiting a few minutes to make my move. I had to understand the bear to have any chance of killing him. At last I thought I had a chance of winning and so made my move. I yelled out as a plunged my dragonglass daggers into its flesh. It was surprising to hear the sound they made. It was as if there were barely any skin there and yet it was strong.
My swift motion had killed the dead creature. It lasted only a few more seconds until it finally breathed its last breath. It took a few minutes to calm down and in that time I looked at the situation. Sandor was shocked but was quickly switching back to his annoying nature. Thoros was being looked after by Beric and I raced over to him.
I had highly admired the drunkard and now he was dying. We all looked at Jon as we realized how dangerous this mission really was. I had been expecting a dead human and hadn't known that any creature could be the enemy. Any time I saw movement around me it could be an enemy sent by the Night King.
* * *
It was day and yet the sun did nothing to relieve my worry. I could see better but that meant nothing. I walked behind Jon as we headed towards where we had seen a group of wights. Hopefully since we were making the first move that would give us the advantage. Hopefully.
The fight began quick with little delay. One moment they weren't there and the next they were. Now that there was action a part of me was able to view the fight from afar. I admired how they could move so quickly without making a sound and surprise us even though we were ready for them. The other part of me, the one focused on the fight at hand, focused only on one attack after the next. Nothing existed to me but the fight and making sure I came out the victor.
I turned and killed a wight that had been about to kill Jon. There was only a moment that I saw a shocked look on his face. After that moment I was back in the fight. Every move I made there was always a counterattack. Every time I countered a counterattack it became harder to defend myself. Just as I aimed a blow at a wight another jumped on me.
For a moment I was in shock. This wasn't what a soldier would do and I didn't know how to counter it. My first attempt was to shake it off but that didn't work. As air refused to fill my lungs, I tried grabbing at the wight to pull it off. My hands felt clumsy as if they weren't really under my control. It was as if someone had taken over my body and didn't care if I lived or die.
Just as I was fading into blackness I was ashamed as I had failed Khaleesi. The woman I loved above anyone else. Yet the despair didn't make me stop fighting even though the fight was useless. Maybe if I just pulled hard enough the wight would come off. It had to come off. I had to return to Daenerys.
I suddenly found myself kneeling in the snow and the pressure around my neck was lifted. I made sure that the wights were gone before standing up. I walked over to Jon.
"Did you kill the White Walker?" I asked Jon and he nodded. "You killed the White Walker and the wights died."
Jon looked as confused as I felt. But there was no time to talk about that now as survival was much more important.
I took careful note of what had happened as it would become extremely useful in the war to come. If we just aimed for the White Walkers and the Night King then we wouldn't have to focus so much on the wights. The war would still be hard, but not as hopeless as before. We would only have to focus on a, hopefully, smaller group of enemies rather than a larger one.
After looking at the situation with the wights, we secured one of the wights that was still alive. It must be that a different White Walker had been in control of this one. I looked around for more of the wights as Jon sent Gendry to Castle Black. I knew, as well as we all did, that there would be more wights soon. The Night King wouldn't let us go so easily.
Rather than head back towards Eastwatch, Jon decided to go deeper into the frozen wasteland. I could do nothing but follow him. Did he really think that Daenerys would come to rescue us in time? Soon we were chased by wights and ended up in the middle of a frozen lake. We were on the only landmass, an island.
I breathed hard as I went over the situation in my mind. The wights had stopped at the edge of the lake which meant they couldn't cross water and the White Walkers weren't going to risk their troops. A horrible feeling formed in the pit of my stomach as I thought of why they were here. Sandor, Thorors, and Beric all had visions leading them here. Myself, Jon, Tormund, and the few other men that remained were here because Bran had used his powers to see the army of the dead. What if the Night King had lured us out here because he had his own visions of dragons coming to rescue us?
No, there was no proof of that. I could not start to think that the Night King was so powerful or I'd risk my own sanity.
DAENERYS TARGARYEN
I held the letter in my hand and then watched as it fell to the ground. I had known that Jorah and the others might die, but I had never truly considered it as a possibility. Whenever I had doubted Jorah would come back, that doubt always seemed like an imagined pain. Painful and yet not real. Khal Drogo had died and my heart had been broken. It had been shattered. It had taken much too long for me to repair my heart and find myself in the arms of Jorah.
I could not stand my heart shattering again. In that foul letter Jon had told me that he needed my help. He was depending on me to save him and the others. Drogon, Viserion, and Rhaegal would be more than enough to save those stranded beyond the Wall. With my dragons I could easily kill the creatures that haunted Jon's nightmares. I could then focus on winning the Iron Throne, the only goal I truly believed in.
"What is it, your grace?" Missandei asked as she walked into my chambers.
"Jon might be dead." I replied. "He and the others are now stranded beyond the Wall and might die at any moment. They might already be dead and any rescue attempt will be futile."
I didn't believe that the army of the dead existed, but I did believe something terrible existed beyond the Wall. Something that people could not put into words. Something that might kill my sweet bear. I would not be safe on Dragonstone while he died. He had risked his life too much for me and I had a large debt to pay.
Over the course of an hour I did not pay attention to what was happening around me. I gave orders, changed, and headed quickly over to my children. To the only things I trusted to save the man I loved. I heard a sound and turned my head briefly to see what it was.
"Tyrion, I've made up my mind." I told my Hand sternly. "I will not stay on Dragonstone while my men die."
"What if you fail, Your Grace?" Tyrion asked and I could tell he was out of breath. "You will die without an heir. Let's wait and plan. You don't need to go now."
"We don't have the time. Jon, Ser Jorah, and the others might be close to dead already. I leave you in charge of bringing forces to Eastwatch."
Tyrion looked at me angrily but I had no time to focus on him. I only had time to get to Jorah and the others before their time was up. Drogon had sensed I was eager to go and was ready for me. I climbed onto him and the moment I was ready, he ran off the cliff. He dove down and was followed by Viserion and Rhaegal.
The wind tore at my face and I accepted the pain. Jorah was in danger and if a slight discomfort was all I suffered, I didn't mind. With hardly any effort Drogon turned skyward and beat his wings. It was still amazing to see my dragons in flight and to be in the sky with them. I wondered what my life would have been like if my House had still been on the throne with dragons. To fly on dragonback was something I wished I could show Jorah in a more pleasant time. Once I got to him I would fly away with him. Unless...no, no I couldn't start thinking like that. I couldn't keep imagining his eyes that didn't see and his arms no longer capable of embracing me.
But the ride to my sweet bear was long and my mind wandered. Again and again I saw his lifeless eyes. I saw him dying just as I was about to rescue him. The Iron Throne would mean nothing to me if he wasn't by my side. Jon would never be able to offer me love and could only give me power. Power would mean nothing if I couldn't feel the heat radiating from Jorah's body. Power would mean nothing if Jorah never called me Khaleesi ever again.
I tried to distract myself by looking at the ground that was far below me. My eyes couldn't see the ground below me in detail and so I was treated to more images of Jorah's death. I had lost my heart once to Drogo and I didn't think it could repair itself if I lost Jorah. That would be too much pain for any person to bear. I tried my best to push the images to the back of my mind but it was so hard to do. It was so hard to feel anything resembling hope.
"I will rescue you, Jorah." I said and tried to make Drogon go faster.
My son growled at me and so I stopped. He was doing as much as he could for me. It pained me that I could not make him go faster. I needed to save Jorah no matter the costs. Nothing mattered if he died. He couldn't die.
Finally Drogon and the others flew over the Wall. From the ground it must have appeared as quite a sight. From the sky the Wall appeared as nothing more than a large silver line reaching far off into the distance. It only took a few hours to find Jorah once I had gotten over the Wall.
He and the others were on an island that was surrounded by the dead. I had known some horror was beyond the Wall but hadn't imagined Jon's tales were true. Yet there were the things of children's stories down below. They looked like humans and yet they didn't move like them. Even from so far up I could tell that the fowl creatures below were dead.
With subtle prompting, Drogon dove down and the icy wind tore at my skin. It was cold here and yet I didn't focus on that. What I focused on was my child breathing fire and forcing the dead away from Jorah. Jon knelt down just as Drogon breathed fire as if the man were connected to him. That bit of amazement faded from my mind quickly.
I saw Jorah still alive and his two dragonglass daggers slicing into the dead. He looked up at me but our gaze was soon broken as the fight continued. I could hear Viserion and Rhaegal roaring as they slaughtered the dead.
Very quickly Jorah and the others made their way onto Drogon. I looked behind me as they brought the dead onto my dragon. I felt like I was about to vomit with the abomination being so close to me. I wanted to destroy it now and forsake Tyrion's plan. But I restrained myself as I needed to win the Iron Throne. With Cersei out of the way, I could better deal with this threat. Though with how well my children were doing against them, I thought I could win this war here and now. I had half a mind to test that theory out.
"Jon!" Jorah cried out.
Jon, unlike everyone else, was not coming towards Drogon. It was as if he thought that he needed to continue fighting when I had a dragon that could kill any who tried to pursue us. Maybe this was his way of trying to impress me. That wouldn't surprise me as men tended to be stupid when trying to prove themselves to a woman. Even a woman they knew, or at least thought, already loved them.
I reached out my hand to Jon and looked at him. I begged him with my eyes alone not to risk his life for this foolishness. I wished my arm would extend so I could just pick him up and force him onto Drogon. But I was only human and was forced to watch Jon turn from me and continue his fight.
I heard a death cry from Viserion and turned to look at him. My heart broke as I watched him fall. I had seen him hatch in the fire. I had seen him grow through the years from a harmless hatchling to a ferocious full grown dragon. Now I was seeing something no mother should see: their child dying.
I hadn't thought I would ever see one of my dragons die. The idea that I would never see my children again had never crossed my mind. They were invincible creatures to me. Nothing could kill them and I would be able to easily conquer Westeros with them. That would have been a good plan if Tyrion hadn't convinced me to restrain myself.
Another idea seeped into my mind: Jon had killed Viserion.
If he hadn't wasted his time getting on Drogon, the Night King would have never had the chance to kill any of my children. Jon had murdered my child. If it weren't for Tyrion's plan and Jon's delusions, Viserion would still be alive.
I heard Jorah's breath and I was snapped to the present. I could lay blame some other time, but for now I had to focus on what mattered. What mattered was escaping. What mattered was surviving to regret ever thinking Jon was needed for me to rule the Iron Throne. I knew once I calmed down I would think differently, but for now I loathed Jon.
Usually taking off on Drogon was a wonderful experience, but now there was a horror to it that I couldn't explain. Now I had a pain so deep in my heart that I wished Jorah would forget the plan and show affection to me. Affection that a husband shows his wife. But that wasn't the case and I watched as the ground became smaller. Each wight and White Walker seemed less than insignificant the higher we went.
Down below Jon was having a fight with wights because of his own ego. Because he wanted to impress me or he was struggling with something else. Maybe it was the reason behind him not sleeping with me when I gave him the chance. When we had both been caught up in our own emotions.
I turned Drogon so that he dodged another deadly spear. I breathed heavily as I remembered Viserion dying. Then another horror was brought to my mind. Jorah!
I turned to look and there he was, one arm on Drogon and the rest of his body flailing in the air. No. No. No. I would not lose him today when I was so close to saving him. I would not leave him to crash on the ground below. I would never see my sweet bear die. Never.
By the grace of some god Jorah was back on Drogon with the help of one of the others. Only when he was firmly back on Drogon was I able to calm myself down. Each flap of my child's wings made sure we were far away from the dead. Even though it had been awhile since my child had rested, I knew he was in no mood to stay still. While I had lost a child, he had lost a brother.
Throughout his entire life he had the knowledge that he had two others just like himself. Two others that were there to calm him. Drogon had left us all for some time and yet he had returned. I think it helped him to know his brothers were safe while he went around Essos reveling in his freedom. I don't think he would've left me if he had thought, even for a moment, that his siblings weren't safe.
After a short time the dead weren't beneath us.
"We are safe, Khaleesi." Jorah said. "They can't kill us now."
"No, not yet." I replied and stopped myself from crying. "There will come a time when they attack again but this time we'll be ready."
If he somehow survived, I would side with Jon even without him bending the knee so I could have vengeance for my child.
JON SNOW
I had been dead before and knew what it felt like. But this wasn't death as I could feel the cold. When I had died it wasn't cold or hot. It was both and neither at the same time. Death also hadn't felt this wet. My arms moved on their own accord and I soon found myself breathing air. Each breath into my lungs felt more painful than the last.
Even though I was taking breath after breath, it didn't feel as if I were alive. I was so cold and my mind didn't seem to be in any physical realm. When I was able to make out colors and physical features I realized I was alive. Somehow I had survived being in the frozen lake. The feat would've seemed impressive and yet the only thing I could focus on was survival.
I managed to pull myself onto land and pick up Longclaw. The sword felt wrong in my hands and yet I was ready to fight. This time I would find the Night King and kill him. That was the only reason I could think of that I would have been brought back to life. So as I stood up I tried to find where he was. My eyes had quickly adjusted to seeing again and yet anything more than a foot in front of me was a mystery.
"Uncle Benjen?" I asked in surprise as a familiar figure approached me.
He came into view heavily covered and on a horse. The horse was black and felt of death. Or at least how I had perceived death before dying. I had been lead to my death by a false promise of seeing Uncle Benjen again. Now he was here at my moment of need.
"There is no time to explain." Benjen said as he quickly got off of his horse and helped me on. "You need to get to Eastwatch."
"What about you?" I asked weakly.
I had spent so long wondering what had happened to him. I had spent so long fostering the hope that he was alive. If I hadn't felt that hope, my men would've never fooled me. I didn't want to leave Benjen here to die as I knew he would. There was no way that he could hope to survive the dead in such numbers.
"There isn't enough room." Benjen said and suddenly I was moving away from my uncle.
I wanted to turn the horse around and save Benjen. I needed to and yet my muscles wouldn't obey my commands. I told them to grab onto the reigns and steer the horse into danger. Yet I couldn't. I didn't have enough energy in me to scream in pain. I tried to make my mouth make some sounds and yet I couldn't. It was as if earlier I had used up all of my energy. So I spent the entire journey to Eastwatch in silence.
As if I was an observer, I watched the scenery around me change. There was always snow and yet the formations I saw were different. I could tell I was getting closer to Eastwatch. Soon I would be in the warmth and I could see Daenerys. I should've gone on Drogon and yet...and yet I had to prove myself to her still and I needed to kill the Night King. Killing him was the most important thing in the war against the dead. I assumed that the Night King was connected to all the dead as the White Walkers were connected to the wights.
After what seemed like years I could see Eastwatch. Or maybe it wasn't. It was still so cold and my eyes wanted only to shut forever. To let me go to the place after death. As I started drifting into the darkness again I felt my body being lifted and taken somewhere warm. Distantly I felt my wet clothes being cut off and blankets being put on me. Furs. Yes, I recognized the furs that were put on me to keep me warm.
"Ghost?" I said as I petted my direwolf.
Was it him or was it a hallucination? I didn't care as he felt real and so I would treat my friend as actually being here. I wanted to tell him about how I had nearly died and not to worry about me. But my body wanted sleep and I was a slave to that desire.
My dreams were confused. They were jumbles of things instead of being one story. I dreamed about being in Winterfell with Sansa. Littlefinger was there and I could sense the danger he brought. Unlike in reality, I killed him and everyone thanked me for killing the monster. In my dream Ned was there to thank me for killing the man.
"I will tell you who your mother and father are." He said and put a hand on my shoulder. "There is someone related to your father who you should be wary of."
"Why?" I asked. "Does he want to kill me?"
"Worse."
I wanted to ask him what he meant and then my eyes opened. As soon as I woke up the dream faded and a fear lingered in the very back of my mind. It took me a moment to realize that I was on a ship and Daenerys was standing close by. She was beautiful as the day I first saw her. Her skin and hair were like snow. Her eyes were sad and I could tell that she had been worried about me. She had thought I was going to die beyond the Wall and I nearly did.
"Do you know why I think of my dragons as my children?" Daenerys asked me and briefly held my hand before letting go. "Because I can't have any of my own. My dragons are the only children I'll ever have. Do you understand?"
I did my best to nod but my guilt held me back. Because I hadn't gone on Drogon one of her other dragons was dead. I realized there was no reason for her to love the murderer of her child. She should loathe me and rightly so. Yet her eyes didn't seem angry or mad. They seemed sad and heartbroken yet didn't say I had done any wrong. That was good. I didn't know what I'd do if Daenerys became my enemy.
"I will offer you my support." Daenerys told me. "What is happening now is more important than our feuding. We need to stop the Night King and his army."
"I wish I could stand." I said before I knew what I was doing. "So I could bend my knee."
She looked about as shocked as I was. I realized I had bent the knee so that she could see how much I cared for her. How much I loved her. I would risk the hatred of the North just so I could feel her lips on mine. Maybe Daenerys would be impressed by that and forget about the death of her dragon. Forget enough that she could love me.
Daenerys looked as if she were about to kiss me and then Ghost, who Davos must have made sure came to Eastwatch, walked in. He looked angrily at my love and then came to my side. I pet him and I felt relief going through my body. I had impressed her enough to have her love me still. When I could I would make love to her as I should've before.
"We're going to King's Landing to meet with Cersei." Daenerys said a little softer than before. "We're going to show her what the real danger is. I trust Tyrion with my life and so I believe this plan will work. He knows his sister and that will be our advantage."
I liked how she had said 'we'. It would not just be her but us. I was sure that she would continue to use Jorah for his guidance and protection, but her heart was mine. No other man would own her like I did. No one would be able to touch her like I did in the dead of night. Our body heat the only flames in the dark. To finally feel her climax around me and to hear her scream my name was something I was looking forward to.
"Even though I don't respect Cersei," I said. "I know she thinks about her own survival. When she sees the wight then she will feel compelled to save herself. She'll be compelled to not think about you for just a little bit."
"And after we win against the Night King we will kill her." Daenerys said and then paused as if to think. "Together we will kill her. She has taken your father from you and any semblance at a normal life."
Yes, Cersei had taken a lot from me. She had Ned killed while Sansa and Arya watched. My sisters shouldn't have had to experience that. I felt ashamed when I thought how glad I was to not have been there. I had known Ned had been murdered but at least I didn't have the images of his death seared into my mind. I had no fear of closing my eyes and seeing Ned's head being chopped off. I didn't have to remember the sound of the sword slicing through his neck.
"Cersei used Sansa to her own ends." I said as anger started to bubble in my mind. "My sister has grown but before...before she was innocent."
And now Sansa was in Winterfell where Littlefinger also was. To think how that man could manipulate the lords to go against Sansa or even for them to go against me. I trusted her enough to not go down without a fight. She was a Stark and was far from weak. I had also noticed Littlefinger looking at her with lust in his eyes. She could use his own desires against him if need be.
"But first rest, Jon." Daenerys said kindly. "We won't be able to win any victories together if you're dead."
With that Daenerys left. I looked at Ghost and smiled as I continued to pet him. I now had Daenerys convinced to fight the White Walkers, we would go to King's Landing to convince Cersei, and soon enough I would **** the woman I loved. A woman who also loved me. There might not be many pleasant things to look forward to, but at least there were some.
"I'm sorry for nearly killing myself." I told Ghost as he started to look around the room. "But I had to do it. If I hadn't then we wouldn't have a chance at convincing Cersei."
My direwolf paused to look at me. He knew that I was lying about why I had gone to get a wight. He knew that I was lying about why I was happy in this moment. I sighed and tried to focus on relaxing. When we got to King's Landing it would be hectic. Even though I believed in Tyrion's plan, I knew I would doubt it later. There would be worry clouding my mind until the moment Cersei agreed to an alliance with Daenerys.
"I did this for Daenerys." I admitted to Ghost. "Even though I went to get a wight for selfish reasons, at least Westeros will prosper."
Ghost looked at me with a strange expression and then he lay by the foot of my bed. I could tell that he was still awake and watching the door. I trusted him to kill anyone who dared try to harm me. I didn't know who he would attack, though, as no one here wanted to harm me. Daenerys' men would follow her commands and so I had nothing to fear now.
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