Saturday, November 7, 2015

She isn't Her (Elfangor's Journal)

I was glad when Birchurawkp finally admitted their feelings to me. I had been thinking about where I stood with them and finally had found peace with the fact that I thought about them as more than a friend. It wasn't until they told me they loved me that I hoped for a more intimate relationship.

The thing about love is that it can't be forced. Can't be made. It just has to be created on its on, in its own time.

And Birch...Birch had been extremely affectionate, at least in private, when we became mates. I had even allowed them to name the majority of our offspring Birchkits.

While I did love them, I could never forget my first love: Loren.

Loren, my Loren, was...I can't describe her well enough in words. Even if Herbie read my mind, he would not know how much she meant to me. I recently told Birch about her and they were understanding. They knew that I was loyal and that they had nothing to fear.

Birch knew that the majority of dragons tended to fall in love multiple times and an old mate wasn't a danger. Wasn't competition. Knew me well enough to know my loyalties.

Why did I leave her and return to Seitou's Clan? I don't think I could properly tell anyone that. I guess...I guess I felt like I had abandoned people who needed me and so had gone back to my clan. My loyalty to my clan had been more important than my loyalty to her.

But Loren, sweet Loren, believed that only with clan loyalty would any dragon be strong enough to survive. That we all needed a group to be watching out for each other. So I was eventually able to leave with her understanding.

Maybe one day I'll see her again. I hope so. I hope so.

There is a Loren in this clan, but she isn't mine. She isn't my Loren. She is, instead, part of a breeding project. As my mate is head of the Breeding Programs, I asked them. They replied that they didn't know why she had been named Loren.

Birch continued to say that Jademoon had allowed them to head every breeding program but the one involving Loren. They ended with saying that they would ask in the morning.

As I hear Birch's soft breathing and the warmth of their chest, I tried to let that sound take me away from my worries. From my senseless fears.

I curled tighter into their embrace and slowly drifted away into dream.

Questions such as 'what would I do if I saw Loren again' seemed unimportant now.

Elfangor's Journal's Table of Contents

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