"Skynet did manage to put some intelligence into their foot soldiers." My Resistance trainer for the day said. Unlike Barnes, he was white. But, like Barnes, he had the same loathing for me.
"Terminators would be useless if they couldn't think," I replied while trying to not think of myself as one of them. "If they couldn't think then they couldn't fight."
My trainer's face assumed a blank expression to not give me the pleasure of seeing him angry. It didn't matter to me what his expression was because I knew what he was feeling. Or at least I had a very good guess of what his emotions were at the moment.
"That will be all for today, Jash." He said. The only motion he made for me to go away was to turn his face from mine.
"I'll see you tomorrow then." I said as I walked away. I wasn't expecting a reply and was rewarded with silence.
My footsteps brought me closer to my new destination. Faster than a human's would. No, I was doing what was called speed walking. I just had an easier time at it than a pure human would. That way of realization wouldn't lead me anywhere useful and might cause problems in the future.
But I didn't care at the moment.
I opened a door into a very small room. Like the rest of the base, it seemed to be about to collapse at any given moment. However, there wasn't a high likelihood that it would. The base reflected the very human spirit of those living here. A spirit that I didn't really have. But that I wished I did.
The only furniture in the room was a chair. Its front faced the door and I went over to it. As I went to sit down a woman entered the room. Once I was comfortable, she had shut the door. The look on her face showed that she had been in a few battles, but nothing that had torn her apart yet.
The Resistance woman stood in front of me and remained quiet for a few minutes. I didn't know whether she was nervous or if she was holding back her anger. Finally she spoke, "Jash, why did you join the Resistance?"
"Because Skynet needs to die." I replied.
"But you are a Terminator."
"I am only a Terminator because Skynet desecrated my body. I was probably just a normal human girl before. Hanging out with friends and trying to hide my feelings for my newest crush. I don't know what I would've done. I just know that it would've been normal."
"So you want revenge?"
"I want the ability to be human again. Without having to worry about Skynet trying to stop me."
"And will you be willing to follow our leader John Connor?"
"I've been asked that more times than I can count. And, being a hybrid, you better believe I can count pretty damn high." I paused only to have her look confused with how to react to my words. "And my answer is still the same. The answer is still yes."
She then asked her final question, "Is there any reason you are willing to?"
I thought about my answer. The truth was that I loved John and would follow him to the end of the world. Well, beyond the end of the world. But I couldn't tell this woman that. If she told John, things could get awkward. And I didn't know how I could get my feelings across to him. Leaving that duty to someone I didn't know wouldn't be a smart thing to do.
When I formulated a good sounding answer I spoke, "I trust John Connor. I trust that he is the best way to defeating Skynet."
The woman nodded. "Our session is over for now."
With that she walked out. I waited a few minutes and then headed towards my room. My room wasn't the same as my holding cell, but only slightly better. I wasn't considered a part of the Resistance by most members, so I was lucky just to have a room.
Resistance fighters passed me as I headed to my room. To me they weren't important and only one caught my eye and turned his face from mine. I swore John Connor had been looking at me, but he had quickly turned his gaze to another soldier. After that there was a conversation between the two.
I continued to move towards my room, but the thought that John had been sneaking a look at me continued to grow. The only bright light in this war.
*************************************************
While lying in my bed I thought about John. The perfect John Connor. At least that's how he appeared to me. If it weren't for him I would be dead. The only upside to being dead is that I would never know what I really was. Finding out that I was a hybrid had been bad enough, but finding out that I had been working for Skynet had been worse. And could John ever love a machine? Even if he wasn't already married?
As I ran through those thoughts in my head, I faintly heard knocking on my door. Coming back to the present I got off my bed and opened the door. A disinterested human face greeted me in my doorway.
"What is it?" I asked the woman.
"Katherine Connor orders you to come to Sickbay." She replied. Her voice somehow conveying both hatred and boredom at once.
"Are you going to walk me there?" I asked. For some reason I liked the way she looked and wanted to ask her to stay in my room for a little bit. But I couldn't because I had to show John that I was faithful. He had seemed to look past me being a hybrid and that I had been a pawn of Skynet. Not being faithful would be asking too much of him.
"No, I think you can find your own way." With that the woman walked away and I was left to walk to Sickbay myself.
I left only when I had gotten myself properly dressed. While walking to Sickbay I thought about why John would've married Katherine. While she was loyal, dedicated, and intelligent I couldn't see anything special about her. And when someone decided to marry, shouldn't the object of their affections be special?
Katherine was tending to a wounded soldier. I had to stand in the doorway for a few minutes before she even acknowledged me. It wasn't until after she had finished with the soldier that she said, "Jash, do you have any medical experience?"
The soldier got up, thanked Katherine, and then walked out of Sickbay.
"No," I replied as soon as the soldier had left. "I don't think Skynet had any need of me fixing any humans up. I mean, they never planned on a party for the Resistance. Not really that close."
"It probably wanted you to be a good killer, which means you had to know anatomy." Katherine said and walked to a table, ignoring my sarcastic answer. Things had been set up to look like a makeshift classroom.
Those were the last words that were spoken before I was getting tested on my medical skills. The testing went on for hours and it seemed like Katherine was being too hard on me. Of course it could just be that I was worn out from the distrust the Resistance had shown me so far. Or Katherine was being hard on me because she wanted to make sure of what I knew.
After the testing she gave me very basic medical training for the next two hours. When all of that was finished I leaned against the wall. While nothing physically draining had happened, the fact that I had been making sure not to say the wrong thing had worn me down.
"You did a better job than I expected." Katherine finally said.
"Thank you, Mrs. Connor." I said to show my gratitude and that I knew that John was her's. At least for the time being.
"One more thing before I let you go, though." She said and I could see that she was trying to control her hatred.
"What is it?" I asked.
"John Connor, my husband, is a very loyal man." Katherine said. "He won't let temptations get the better of him. No matter how much he wants them to. Do you understand me?"
"Yes." I reply and Katherine signaled me to leave. I did so with a happy thought in my head. The thought that Katherine felt threatened by me.
*****************************************
I tried to control my breathing. I thought that being a hybrid would mean I wouldn't get so nervous. Or maybe my nervousness was because my chip had been removed, so I didn't have as much control as I should have.
After I got my uniform on, I looked at myself in a dirty mirror. Wiping the mirror off a little I could see myself just a little better. I know why I was attracted to John Connor, but would my looks and abilities be enough for me to win him over?
But there were other things to attend to now. Such as the upcoming battle. I walked out of my room and went to join the other soldiers. My comrades. There was some pre-battle talk among them but I didn't join in. Partially because I was nervous and partially because I knew the soldiers didn't want to talk to me. I was a hybrid and therefore a creation of Skynet. And there was nothing worse than something of the enemy being on your side.
But all those thoughts were pushed aside when I saw John Connor come to join the troops. For some reason he was keeping Katherine at the base. All the better for me to bond more with John. We hadn't talked much due to Katherine's efforts to keep me away from him and how busy he was in his duties as leader of the Resistance.
John Connor stood in front of me and my comrades while he gave a speech. I didn't hear what he said, I was just looking at the way he said it. It didn't matter I wasn't listening to his words as I had made sure to be clear about the battle beforehand. So I looked at his facial expressions, the sound of his voice, and how the Resistance soldiers responded to him. It was no wonder that I was falling for him. In a different way, the Resistance had fallen in love with him.
After he was done giving his speech, we went into different helicopters. I went into the one I had been assigned to and saw myself next to John Connor. I was going into battle with him right beside me. Not just as my leader, but as someone beside me.
As the landscape passed below us, I tried to calm myself down again. I knew once I was in battle I would be able to distract myself, but not now.
"First time?" John jokingly asked me.
"For the right side and not under mind control, yes." I replied with a smile.
"I'm sure you'll do fine. You were made to fight."
"And what were you made for?"
John paused a moment. His mind seemed to turn in on itself. Finally he replied, "I was made to lead."
"Skynet didn't mess with you. You are human and I don't think you were made for a purpose. You are free to make your own decisions. Your own destiny." I said.
He gave me a weak smile.
"You just do what you were made for, Jash." John said and that was the last thing he said to me before the battle began.
We arrived at the battlefield and there was chaos. Of course it was controlled chaos but it was hard to concentrate. However, I was quickly able to realize what I was supposed to do. This wasn't my first battle, but this was the first time I was fully aware of it. This time I knew who I was fighting for and who I was fighting against.
Minutes turned into hours and hours turned into years. Orders were yelled at me and I obeyed. It was odd killing Terminators and knowing that they were metal. I had to hold back bile as I remembered I used to be brainwashed to not know I was killing humans.
Once the deepest levels of hell became just the entrance, I felt relieved. Even though all of us wanted to shout out in joy for the fact that we were alive and had won today, we knew that we couldn't rest until we were back at base. The only safety we were guaranteed.
After a few minutes I remembered John. What if he had died?
"John!" I yelled while running around looking for him. Suddenly I heard a shot and then felt it pass me by just inches.
As I turned my gun around to try and find the attacker, another shot was fired and I heard a Terminator fall down. When I found my savior with my eyes I had to remind myself I still was not safe. I would have to leave dreaming about John Connor for another time. When I wasn't being shot at by surviving metal.
Another shot grazed my body and I turned to look for the new Terminator. This time John shot at it but I didn't hear it fall down. That task was mine as I turned to look for it as more Terminators fired at me. My savior's duty was now protecting me as I fired back at the remaining Terminators.
As shots were exchanged I felt alive. As Judgment Day had already happened, this felt like the only real kind of bonding that could exist. Never mind that my memories before Judgment Day hadn't come back to me yet. The point was that I thought that John and I were growing closer together than ever before.
While I focused on the Terminators that were shooting at me, I also made sure John wasn't in danger of dying. I knew that focusing on myself was selfish, but if I didn't I couldn't protect him. My current selfishness would be better during this fight.
Finally I shot down the last Terminator and turned to John and said, "Good shot, John."
"Couldn't have done it without you, Jash." He said and smiled at me. We both ignored the fact that I had given him credit for my shooting abilities.
I don't know if I'd ever encounter something so beautiful as his smile again. And now, while we weren't in immediate danger, I could focus on him.
"If you weren't there I'd be dead." I said and walked over to him.
Once I got close to him, he grasped my arm. "I could say the same thing about you."
For a few moments we just looked into each other's eyes. I was silent because I didn't want to say the wrong thing. While battle did unite people, I didn't know if it had united us enough for him to leave Katherine.
Why he remained silent I couldn't tell. I didn't want to guess in case the answer wasn't one I was looking for.
When the moment had passed he let go of me and we walked to a helicopter. I went in and John stood outside of it and talked to a few Resistance Fighters. Before the battle my comrades hadn't talked to me, but now they were congratulating me. Not for me getting a small bit of John's affection, but for me surviving my first battle. Well, first battle with the Resistance. My first battle for the right side.
John finally joined me and the congratulations stopped as my comrades were scared of saying some of the more vulgar comments in front of their leader. Once the helicopter I was in landed at base I got out after John.
Him being the leader of the Resistance meant he took the brunt of the reactions. After not seeing Barnes for so long, I had trouble remaining calm as he went up to John. While Barnes had kind words for John, he ignored me.
Katherine came running into John's arm. He hugged her tightly. But I could tell she wasn't pleased with how tight he was hugging her.
"Promise me you'll let me go next time." Katherine whispered into John's ear. Only the combination that I was standing close to John and was a hybrid meant I heard it. And by hearing it I felt jealous.
I felt jealous because Katherine was trying to come between John and my's budding relationship. Yes, she was his wife but I saw that as a temporary position for her.
"I promise I will one day." John replied to her and I suddenly felt guilty. Katherine, whatever her faults were, made John happy. I wanted to make John happy like she did, but what if any of my tinkering made him not feel joy ever again?
Katherine and John let go of each other and she turned to me. And with the cold look she gave me I felt a little better about wanting to come between them.
"Jash, I think this makes you a real member of the Resistance now." Katherine said. I felt guilty again, but not enough to turn me from planning to take John away from her.
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