To Die For You If Need Be Chapter 17: Stories

This is a Game of Thrones fic. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.

Daenerys Targaryen

I walked with Jon along the shore of Dragonstone. The air was strangely silent since mining had stopped for the day. I had kept true to my word as I didn't want to make the bastard feel as if I was untrustworthy. I didn't want to remind him of Cersei or any of the other cruel rulers he had met.

Ghost was walking by his side, though it was likely he would dart off in some random direction soon. He kept looking off into the distance. As Jon was relaxed, the direwolf must not have sensed any threat here. Was Ghost's trust in me the only reason Jon had decided to trust me?

"Mining should be done in a few weeks." Jon said, breaking the silence.

A few weeks and he would decide to bend the knee, marry me, or form an alliance. I felt that I would accept his decision no matter what it was. But what if I couldn't handle him refusing my marriage proposal? I would lose the North if he merely agreed to an alliance. Could I deal with that loss?

"I seek only to claim my birthright," I said. "But you seek to wage war against the undead."

"I don't want glory." Jon replied. "And the war you fight is one I don't think I could."

"Is that why you're unsure about marrying me?"

"I...I lost someone close to me."

"And you don't want to encounter that same pain again."

A faint smile formed on Jon's lips. He must not have expected to have anything in common with a Targaryen. I had never thought to have any kind thoughts for a Lannister. But sometimes you met the right person who showed you that the world didn't deserve to burn.

"Khal Drogo was the first man I ever loved." I said and found the memory didn't tear me apart like it once had. "He showed me what no one else ever had: that I was strong."

"I don't see you as ever bending to anyone's will." Jon replied.

"Those days are long behind me, but they are still there."

"What happened to him?"

"He was injured and then a witch cursed him. So I killed him to end his suffering."

"We were fighting on opposite sides. Someone shot her and she died in my arms."

At least he hadn't killed her. At least he didn't have those nightmares to torment him. But what had happened to him hurt enough. His voice changed when talking about the woman. It was clear he still felt pain about her passing. I should be thinking about exploiting his pain to gain the North but I couldn't.

I couldn't because I understood the pain he now felt. If I could so easily manipulate his feelings what kind of person would I be? How would I be different from any other ruler? Jon was an ally and one of the only honest men in Westeros.

"Did you kill the man responsible?" I asked. "The witch was burned alive for what she did."

"He was only a boy." Jon replied with a shocked expression on his face. "And I killed him because he, along with a few others, had murdered me. Attempted to murder me."

We may share the same pain, but we were also different. He didn't seek out vengeance as I would have. But he had managed to avenge the death of his love. Just in a way that was nobler than what I was capable of.

"The witch had suffered at the hands of the Dothraki." I said to try and reassure Jon. "I was more impulsive back then and...thought only of her betraying me. I didn't think about the fact some pain doesn't go away with a few kind words."

There was a look of understanding on his face. He didn't look at me like I was some kind of monster. He looked at me like I was any other person who deserved love. Even if he didn't marry me, I would gain a loyal ally in him. Then have to hope that the Iron Throne wouldn't crumble upon my death.

"Why did you agree to help me?" Jon asked. "I admitted to you plainly that I seek to wage war against the undead. Anyone else would have dismissed my claims as insanity."

"Not everyone has hatched dragons." I said as we continued to make our way to dinner. "Not everyone has walked through fire unburnt."

"Even then you could only believe what you saw. So you would believe in dragons and a woman being unburnt because you've seen those things. You haven't seen the Night King or the other undead."

"I would be a poor ruler indeed if I believed in such a way of thinking."

"So you'll help us?"

"If the Night King takes the North then he would conquer the rest of Westeros soon enough. I will help you because I don't want to lose my kingdoms."

I also liked Jon, though I was constantly aware of my political duties. To play the game of thrones one couldn't forget that. People who forgot that died. You made one little mistake, gave the wrong person an opening, and death soon came for you. No matter my feelings towards the bastard, I had to remember my position.

If only we could be two people with broken hearts helping each other. I didn't think of him as a lover, but I wanted the freedom to be his friend. If Jon agreed to marry me then our friendship could start. Before then and both of us would be risking too much.

"Everyone cares about politics but the end times are approaching." Jon said quietly. "No one should care about political allegiances if everyone will die."

"Everyone is more concerned about power." I agreed. "I came here to break the wheel. I came here to stop such mindless cycles."

"Before I came here I didn't think you actually believed your speeches. It's a pleasant surprise."

Without warning Ghost darted off into the distance. I couldn't see anything which might mean he was running just to run. Jon and myself continued to walk to the great hall where the evening meal was being prepared. It had been decided that dinner would be eaten when the mining was done each day. Hopefully it made Jon and his fellow Northerners feel as though I wasn't different from them.

As we entered the great hall I could hear my children. The Dothraki would risk feeding them and would be awash in praises afterwards. I glanced at Jon who was making his way to Davos and a few other Northerners. What would it take for the Northerners to eat with Dothraki or Unsullied?

"Daenerys." Missandei said as she entered the great hall.

"Missandei." I replied.

Though he was trying to be subtle, Davos' desire for Missandei couldn't be hidden. My friend wanted a child but couldn't get one from Grey Worm. So she had been looking for a suitable man to father one and then leave her afterwards. To her Davos had been an obvious choice as he longed for her and was an honorable man by all accounts. The man had agreed and was about to sleep with her once the sun set today.

"Do you even love him?" Missandei asked and looked at Jon.

"I'm royalty, I don't always have the option of marrying for love." I replied. "I don't know if I love him, but he's a good man. What do you think of him?"

"I understand why men are willing to die for him. He's more honest than I am used to."

Jon was more honest than most. Others acted honest but then stabbed you in the back. Hardly anything in this world could be trusted. But he showed me that there were things worth dying for. There was good in the world that deserved to be protected.

Without having to say a word, Missandei and I made our way to Jon. We allowed the men to have some distance between us. Myself because I didn't want to appear too close to Jon and Missandei for the same reason with Davos.

Servants carried out a plate to everyone in the hall. Whoever was late to dinner wouldn't eat. I didn't want to waste valuable resources that could be better used elsewhere. Then there was the fact that men could always find enough to eat to hold them over until morning.

"From what Jon tells me, Davos, you're a good advisor." I said and slowly ate my food, careful to retain my dignity.

"It wasn't an easy road to get all that wisdom." Davis agreed. "Do you know why they call me the Onion Knight?"

I knew the story and didn't want the name of Stannis Baratheon brought up in my presence. But the man was dead and showing anger in this moment might reveal to Jon I was unworthy of his loyalty. It would show a dark side to myself. A dark side I was doing my best to get away from.

"I was a smuggler before advising any king." Davos said. "When Stannis ruled Dragonstone, a rebellion trapped the citizens of the island. But, as I was a smuggler, I was able to smuggle in much needed items. Mostly onions."

"Didn't Stannis punish you for your good deeds?" I asked.

"I was a smuggler and the right thing to do was to punish me. But he chose to cut off the fingers of my non-dominant hand when he didn't have to. He could have cut off all my fingers or hands."

Davos brought up a good point, but I still didn't like Stannis. Though I would give him credit for being kind when he could be. I wished to sit on the Iron Throne which meant I would have difficult decisions ahead of me. Not only in the war to reclaim my birthright but during peacetime.

I would have to hope I could retain enough empathy to spare my enemies whenever possible. My blood was the same as a dragon's and we both wanted destruction. It was easier for me to conquer than it was to rule.

"Where did you get your direwolf?" Missandei asked. "I've heard that they're so rare no one had seen one for centuries."

"A mother had died with cubs." Jon replied and took a break from eating. "There was just enough cubs for me and my siblings. I remember that Ghost was the runt of the litter, though it's hard to remember that now."

"Why did you name him Ghost?" I asked.

"He looks like one and is usually silent. Ghost sometimes makes sounds, but he's so quiet it can be unnerving."

I hadn't heard Ghost make any sound since his arrival. Sometimes I thought that he made a sound only to realize it had merely been my imagination. The thought of a creature being so silent was something I couldn't accept. But I would have to get used to him if I were to marry Jon.

"The pups were so scared when we found them." Jon mused. "They needed someone. Ned was going to tell me about my mother after he returned from King's Landing."

"You don't know your mother?" I asked.

"She must have been another whore but then why remember her so fondly? And he was always so honorable that it doesn't seem possible he would **** a woman and then leave her. Or at least he would have the decency to tell others who she was. I could have passed her by while traveling to Dragonstone."

"Maybe she died in childbirth and it was too painful for him to talk about."

"Then why not tell anyone that?"

"Maybe the fact he slept with a whore made him remain silent. But then why take you? Maybe he didn't trust a whore."

"If father slept with anyone, he cared for her."

"Your father might not be the saint you think him to be."

"I dearly hope that's not the case."

There was silence as we ate our dinner. What was Jorah thinking at this moment? Had he discovered a cure? Was he dead? I resisted shivering at the thought of my husband dying before he could join me in bed. Would the dreams of him be all I had now?

"Why did you choose Ser Jorah Mormont as a husband?" Davos asked. "He sold men into slavery and fled into exile. From what I hear he even spied on you for House Baratheon."

"Men change." I said firmly. "The Mormont I met is different than the Mormont I chose as a husband. I felt utterly betrayed when I found out the truth and sent him into exile. The moment I sent him away from my side I felt like a mistake had been made. But I was a queen and needed to make a decision that tore at my heart. He ended up proving himself to me and now I feel it's my fault he has greyscale."

Davos' expression softened as I had opened up in a way I didn't intend. Jon looked intrigued and I wondered why. What about Jorah made Jon appear like a little boy instead of a king? Jorah was a great man but Jon didn't know him like I did.

"He could have abandoned me when Drogo died." I continued. "The Dothraki would not have followed me back then. With the simple act of walking away he could have ensured my death. Yet Jorah didn't. Instead he helped me become the queen that is feared and loved today."

"Didn't Ser Barristan Selmy also advise you?" Davos asked.

"And he is also greatly missed. But if not for Jorah I wouldn't have lived long enough to meet Barristan."

"Are you sure he can find a cure for greyscale?" Jon asked worriedly.

"I believe he can. I appreciate your concern, Jon, but why? Your father sentenced him to death." I said.

"The few words I've heard spoken about him haven't been kind. The picture of him in my head was of a man that might not be trustworthy. To hear that Jorah might not be the man I thought is intriguing."

"I can assure you he isn't the man you've heard about. He's a kind man who has overcome his faults."

If I received a raven announcing my love's death then I would have killed him. It was me who exiled him from Meereen multiple times. It was me who had failed to see who he was until too late. I didn't know what would happen to me if he died. I would continue to be strong but...something in me would have been lost forever. Something that only Drogo and Jorah had seen in me.

"Will you stay in Westeros after your queen has claimed the Iron Throne, Missandei?" Davos asked with some longing in his voice.

"I plan to." Missandei answered with a smile. "Daenerys freed me and has shown me nothing but kindness since."

The rest of the meal was full of discussions about useless things. Jon told funny stories about his deceased sister Arya, Ghost finally arrived, Davos talked about various misadventures when he was a smuggler, Missandei talked about how unbearable Tyrion's humor could be, and Tyrion walked in to confirm her stories.

"Khaleesi," A Dothraki said. "A raven has come for you."

"I'm sorry," I told my allies and friends. "But I must attend to my duties."

I walked quickly to my chambers where the letter was waiting for me. I had hoped for news from Jorah but I still knew nothing about his current condition. The letter was from Olenna who had devastating news to report.

The Lannister army was marching towards Highgarden. It was was possible that she had already been attacked and killed. The possibility had been one she accounted for. Her words were vengeful as she asked for my help. She knew it was unlikely she would survive the onslaught and so was asking for me to burn her enemies. Olenna implored me to be a dragon when I attacked the Lannister army. One final act of politeness must have restrained her from outright demanding me to be merciless to the Lannisters.

I put the letter down gently and was grateful I was alone. Tears went down my cheeks as I felt utterly hopeless. If I retaliated against the Lannisters I would have to do so in a way that Jon approved. But the anger and rage I felt seemed wild beyond reason.

If I attacked the Lannister army could I restrain myself? Could I stop myself if things went too far? Would my children follow me or would they burn everything in sight? Did I want them to control themselves?

"I will avenge you, Olenna Tyrell." I said and sat down on my bed. "You were strong and didn't let the opinions of others stop you. You helped to prove that my dream of ruling wasn't a mere dream. You believed in me purely to help your own ends, but you still believed I was a force to be reckoned with. Why else lend your support?"

I wiped away my tears and wished Jorah was here to comfort me. But he wasn't here and it was all my fault. He had believed in my strength when I couldn't see it. Him and Drogo had seen the strength deep inside of me. For their memories, if Jorah had in fact died, I would be a noble queen. I would be a strong warrior. I would be both loved and feared. I would make them proud.

Tomorrow would be full of preparations for the battle. When the sun rose again I would be the queen everyone knew so that my declarations were followed. But tonight I could be weak as no one would see me. I could cry myself to sleep and have nightmares of failure.

No one had to know how the pressures of leadership could tear me apart.