Wednesday, January 10, 2018

A Marriage of Convenience Chapter 3: The Strength of Silence

This is a Game of Thrones fic. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

This chapter has been edited due to content. There were no big scenes cut or edited down this time. I did make minor edits throughout the chapter. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.


DAENERYS TARGARYEN
The other night with Jorah had been everything I had hoped for and more. I had connected with both his body and his soul. Only Khal Drogo had produced such feelings in me before. It had been a complicated relationship with the Khal but it had been strong. It had given me the strength I needed now. Now when I was about to give Jon news I didn’t think he would like.

We were on the beach watching as other men mined for dragonglass. The sun was bright and the scent coming off the sea was calming. This was my home that I had fought so hard to get to. I wouldn’t fail to get the Iron Throne. Not now when victory was so close.

“When I left Dragonstone I went to get a victory.” I said slowly as I was ashamed. “I needed to show Cersei Lannister that I am someone to fear. So I attacked a loot train that the Lannister army was guarding. Afterwards I let Randyll Tarly and the other survivors have a choice.”

“Bend the knee or die.” Jon guessed. “So you beheaded Randyll Tarly. At least you gave him an honorable death. Not that he deserved one.”

I was silent. This man that I was supposed to marry thought too good of me. He didn’t think I’d be like my father and thought I wouldn’t kill people with my dragons. That I wouldn’t burn people alive to strike fear into their hearts. I was both angry and happy at his confusion. Angry that he didn’t know me but also happy that someone would think so good of me.

“I didn’t behead him or Dickon.” I replied. “I burned them alive with Drogon. Randyll and Dickon held each other’s hands before they died. It was the quickest way to gain loyalty from those that survived. It was also the wrong decision. I will never use my dragons like that again, you have my word.”

Jon was quiet and I allowed him silence. My reveal could jeopardize my future marriage with him, but I had to do it. I was sure that rumors would start to come out and the truth would become obscured. So I had to tell Jon so he would know the truth. He would also know that I trusted him and so he might decide to trust me.

When he opened his mouth I thought he was going to talk, but that didn’t end up being the case. I looked around to try and find Ghost. The direwolf had been here earlier and then had left. He had left with a sense of urgency. Part of me was worried that the animal would figure out about my affair with Jorah. That he could sniff out the scent of our lovemaking. I didn’t know how powerful the creature’s sense of smell was but I was sure it wasn’t that powerful.

“They didn’t deserve it.” Jon said with pain in his voice. “Not even Randyll and he was going to kill Sam. Did you have to kill someone who wasn’t even the head of his House?”

“Dickon wanted to die.” I said, not able to look the bastard in the eye. “Randyll tried to stop him. I had made a promise and I had to keep it.”

Jon was silent for a few more minutes. For a moment he looked as if he were going to walk away and then he looked at me. He looked at me and I felt extremely uncomfortable under his gaze. Had I just messed up everything? Jorah and I had a plan but if Jon didn’t want me anymore…

“Are you going to burn anyone else?” Jon asked with some fear.

“No, never.” I reassured him. “I don’t intend to ever repeat that mistake. I promise you have nothing to fear from me on that front.”
Jon’s eyes looked into mine for a moment and then they traveled. I could tell he was trying to be coy but I saw through him. His eyes were staring at my **** and he was probably fantasizing about me. Thinking of how he would claim my body. It made me feel guilty when he looked at me like he was. He was falling in love and I was just using him. I was a failure in morality compared to him. But I wanted both the Iron Throne and Jorah Mormont. I would do anything to get my goals accomplished.

To calm myself down I thought about how good he looked. He was nothing compared to Jorah, but that didn’t mean he was ugly. He was young and had a body that could endure a lot. He could **** me for hours until he finally got sore. Jorah could also **** me for hours if he wanted to. Daario had been a liar when he had said my sweet bear couldn’t pleasure me.

No, think back to Jon. Jon’s lips looked pleasant and good for kissing. They wouldn’t be able to kiss with the passion Jorah had, Jon was much too inexperienced for that. I would never love the bastard even if he could **** well and yet I would have to pretend to. If the secret ever got out then it would break his heart and I didn’t want that.

“I better go, Jon.” I told him. “I have Seven Kingdoms I need to conquer.”

“Six.” Jon replied.

How he said ‘six’ was half-hearted as if he were expected to say it. I had a gut feeling that he would be bending the knee very soon.
* * *
After meeting with Jon I walked around Dragonstone to help clear my mind. All three of my dragons were flying and so I couldn’t rest by them. Some days were slower than others with only a few meetings to go to. The next meeting would be in a few hours which left me a lot of time to just think. If I would only burn King’s Landing then I could get the Iron Throne much quicker. It might even frighten Jon enough to bend the knee and give up the North.

But that wasn’t the kind of queen I wanted to be. I wanted to break the wheel, whatever that really meant, and so I needed to be loved. I couldn’t be loved if the only thing people thought of me as was someone who caused destruction. If I was only remembered as a conqueror my victory would mean nothing.

While I was getting lost in my thoughts I saw Jorah. Jorah who always managed to make my life have meaning. Jorah who I loved above anyone else. He was my dearest friend who I could always count on. That was a good trait in a husband. At least I assumed so. However, I made sure to only look at him from the corner of my eye. It hurt to hide my feelings for him.

I wanted to show him the tiniest sign of affection but that would go against the plan. That would go against everything we were fighting for. Both of us wanted me on the Iron Throne, a goal I had been dreaming about ever since I had stepped out of the pyre unburnt. So I barely gave Jorah a passing glance before moving on. I wanted to run and yet I couldn’t. There were people here and so running would just draw attention to myself. Maybe I could pass it off as me being upset about stopping my friendship with Jorah, but even that would raise some questions. Tyrion and Varys would both point out that it was me who had stopped things with the man.

My mind was not kind to me and went back to the other night. The night when Jorah had made love to me. How good he had felt in me. How complete I felt in his embrace as we lost ourselves in each other. I wanted to fall asleep next to him without any worry about people finding out. I tried to find something to take my mind off my thoughts. But I only saw Dothraki, Northerners, and other common people. No one that I knew or had a story.

“Are you lost?” Someone asked and I look at a bastard.

“No,” I told Gendry. “I am not lost.”

I had replied to his question with a lot more harshness than I had originally intended. But I wouldn’t say sorry to him and risk my own image being diminished. Gendry shrugged and then continued walking. My eyes spared a few more seconds glancing at him before I continued my own walk. His appearance had managed to distract me.

Now my mind was full of how to think about Gendry. He was the bastard son of Robert Baratheon, the man who had managed to overthrow House Targaryen, and so I should show anger to him. But he didn’t have anything to do with how my House got overthrown. He had been conceived when his father had been out with a whore. His birth had been an accident. I shouldn’t show him more ill will than I would another person.

All of House Baratheon, minus Gendry, was dead. There was no one I could kill for revenge. Ser Davos Seaworth had been loyal to Stannis but trying to enact my revenge on him would mean severing any ties with Jon. The bastard was someone I needed to get to the Iron Throne. If I allowed myself time to admit any humanity, I couldn’t hate any of them. I couldn’t hate Gendry or Davos as they hadn’t harmed me. They had followed my orders, as much as they had to to be polite, and had caused me no distress.

“Daenerys,” Missandei said and I slowed down so she could walk beside me. “Has it been everything you have wanted?”

Arriving at Dragonstone had started the hardest part of my life. I had expected to sweep through Westeros and claim my birthright easily. Yet it had eluded me to no end. I had lost when I should have won. Now with the stress of hiding my affair with Jorah, things had become harder than I had ever thought they would be.

“It has been harder than I thought.” I admitted to my friend. “I am starting to think that I’m not fit to conquer, much less rule.”

“You have done well.” Missandei reassured me. “You have done well as anyone else.”

“Aegon the Conqueror would have already conquered the Seven Kingdoms.”

“Your ancestor has had many centuries to become a legend. He might not have been as good as people say. He might even have doubted himself like you do.”
I turned to look at my friend in utter shock. What she said had sounded like blasphemy. Of course Aegon the Conqueror was good at what he did. Of course he would have a string of endless victories if he were here. He would have already killed Cersei by this time. But since Missandei was my friend I considered what she had said. There was always the possibility that stories had glorified his history while not talking that much about less noble parts.

“I still shouldn’t be encountering so many failures.” I told Missandei. “Tyrion is doing the best he can yet even he is not giving me that good of advice at times. I have lost the support of Dorne and the Iron Islands. I have lost Highgarden.”

Missandei had nothing to say to this and so became very quiet.


JORAH MORMONT
I turned away at the last second as the warhammer was seconds away from hitting my side. The air made a fierce sound as it whipped across my skin. I raised my sword in time to block the warhammer. The vibrations felt like they would tear my arm apart. I prepared for yet another attack as my sweat poured over my body. My breathing was even this entire time as was Gendry’s. He was a little more reckless than I was and yet his body had the endurance.

“You’re not such an old man.” Gendry said with a laugh.

The bastard’s sweat made his hair cling to his head. Only the hairs on top were affected by the wind. There was no one around us but a few Dothraki that had wandered by. They sat some distance away and watched. I imagined that they were interested to see how Andals, their incorrect term for all those in Westeros, fought. I even thought they were using the sparring session to consider how to attack Cersei’s forces in the near future.

I didn’t bother answering Gendry’s comment. It wasn’t just because I had nothing witty to reply to it with but the fact was that I was becoming tired. Not that I would admit that to him. No need to let him know how easy it would be to defeat me if he just used a burst of energy. Also my pride would not allow me to admit defeat. Not unless he rightfully earned it.

Gendry again aimed a blow at me and I was able to dodge it. I used my momentum to aim for his arm. I had guessed what he would do and I was right. He turned quickly to counter it which allowed me to land a blow on his side. He staggered back and smiled at me. The bastard did resemble his father while fighting. Before Robert had become a man who drank and ******, he had been a fierce fighter. A fighter who had the intensity that Gendry did.

“I think that’s enough for today.” Gendry said and put a hand on his side.

I looked harshly at the boy as I had warned him to wear armor and he had obeyed. Up to a point. He had put on most of it but had failed to put on all of it. This would cause his side to hurt more than it should. Hopefully Jon could convince him later to wear his full suit of armor even in a practice session. To Gendry’s credit, he did not show any pain on his face and merely exhaustion. The hand to his side was a fleeting gesture.

“As you wish.” I replied and sheathed my sword.

“What was it like when Daenerys exiled you?” Gendry asked. “Did you ever doubt she would take you back?”

His line of questioning seemed highly personal. At first I thought he was going to mock me and then I saw the distant look in his eyes. He didn’t want to talk about Khaleesi, at least not now. He was thinking of some other woman that he had left behind for one reason or another. Maybe they had been forcibly separated leaving him to only have the memory of her. If I was correct in my guesses, I wouldn’t mind talking about Daenerys so he could talk about his woman.

“I never knew for certain.” I admitted. “What I did know was that my life would be without meaning if I couldn’t see her again. My one longing in life is to serve her. I had to at least try to get back to her.”

“Awhile back I met this girl.” Gendry said with a soft smile. “She was small and young, but she had the strength of someone much older. It was good traveling with her.”

“What happened?”

Gendry fell silent as if the memory was more than painful. I wondered if he would ask me to help find this girl when there was time. But I wouldn’t know where to look for a girl that was a lowborn. When I had lived in Westeros I lived with the benefits that my lineage granted me. Later I had been Lord of Bear Island. In none of those instances would I know any lowborn girl. Besides that, I was a fighter and had not the slightest idea of how to track a random person in the Seven Kingdoms. Hopefully the bastard would merely ask me for advice.

“This priestess, the one that served Stannis Baratheon, captured me.” Gendry replied, breaking the silence. “If not for Davos I would be dead by now. He let me escape and I was living in Flea Bottom ever since. I foolishly hoped that she would find her way to me one day.”

I looked in his eyes and saw that he truly loved this girl. A tear went down his cheek as the silence went on. I wondered how I would look if I didn’t know where Daenerys was. It had nearly killed me when she had flown on Drogon only to get lost soon after. At least I had been able to track her and help rescue her. If I hadn't found her…what would have been left of me?

“Her name is Arya Stark.” Gendry said with a sad smile. “I know you were Lord of Bear Island at one point. I also know House Mormont and House Stark are close allies with one another. I was hoping that you knew her. If you knew where she’d be at this moment. I want to know if there is any chance I’ll meet her again.”

He had fallen for Arya Stark? The girl was dead by all accounts. I couldn’t just tell Gendry that simple answer as he must have already heard. But a heart full of longing for a woman can make one act foolish. I knew I wasn’t always the smartest of men when I fell for a woman.

“I don’t know Arya Stark.” I said. “I was by Winterfell a few times but I don’t have any important memories with the Stark children. And there are ru-“

“She’s not dead.” Gendry replied. “I don’t know where or how, but she’s not dead. She won’t die, not with her strength.”

I didn’t bother telling him that even the strongest among us can fall. Ser Arthur Dayne, one of the best swordsmen in Westerosi history, had been killed in a fight. Ser Barristan Selmy had died while fighting the Sons of the Harpy in Meereen. My own father had been betrayed by his men and died. Being strong had nothing to do with staying alive. Sometimes it was pure luck that let you see another day.

“Don’t you fancy Daenerys?” Gendry said as we made our way to our rooms. “I can see why, even Jon wants her. Not that he will admit that.”
Good. If Jon wanted her the plan would go down smoothly. My love had the beauty of her House. She could woo any man she so chose. It was a rare blessing in my life that she had decided to bed me. That night still felt fresh in my mind. But I couldn’t admit the love and devotion my queen shared with me. If I shared that then the plan would fall apart.

“A part of me will always feel connected with my queen.” I replied. “But she has made it very clear that she does not want me. Not in the way that I desperately long for. I have never hated her for any of the choices she has made. I have never dissuaded her from sleeping with her past lovers. Who she takes to her bed is her choice and I will honor that. Since Daenerys will not have me I will stop trying.”

Gendry nodded and there was pity in his eyes. I wondered if he was thinking about Arya now. I wondered if he was thinking about seeing her again only to be rejected by her. I hoped that he could be strong and honor the Stark, but I was unsure. I think that even he was unsure of how he would react. After a few minutes he shook his head as if trying to clear his mind.

Dragonstone was the home of House Targaryen and held so much history that walking through it I felt as if I understood Daenerys a little more. She had been born to do great things and resurrect the House I had helped destroy. Calling a place like this home showed one had greatness in them. Or the ability for greatness. It was something that Viserys had lacked. Unlike him, Daenerys had the will and power to claim the Iron Throne. And I would be by her side and any other position she desired.

“What do you think of Jon Snow, Ser Jorah?” Gendry asked, his words echoing off the walls as we walked.

“Do you mean as an ally or as a possible lover for Daenerys?” I replied.

“Both?”

I didn’t think he had meant to hurt me with his question, he was not the kind of man that would do that. Even though he thought she had rejected me, I was still a valuable advisor to her. I was also her most loyal follower and a good way to judge if there was any hope of an alliance with her. As Gendry was a smart man he would not try to make me angry. He would not try and open up all my wounds.

I took a few minutes to gather my thoughts. I had to make it seem as if Daenerys had really rejected me and respond as if that was the truth. But it was hard to keep joy out of my voice as I thought of how she loved me. Of the connection we shared as if we were one mind in two bodies. Of the memory of how we had consummated our affections for each other. It was only the thought of her future that kept me calm now.

"As an ally he is more than valuable." I finally said. "Jon has managed to rise above his status of bastard all on his own. Having him as an ally won't just give us the strength of the North, it will give Daenerys its respect. It doesn't matter that my queen has decided to bed him as denying Jon's strengths is foolish. From what I know of the man he is the only one I trust, besides myself, to make Daenerys happy. He has more honor than most men."

"That he does." Gendry replied with a slight nod of his head. "If there is anyone that can hold everyone together to defeat the Night King, it is him."

"Just because you want to bed his sister doesn't mean you have to compliment him."

A slight grin pulled on my lips for just a moment. It was gone too quickly for the Baratheon bastard to notice. If we had known each other for a long time he might have noticed. By the look he gave me I could tell he hadn't picked up on the dry sarcasm in my voice. I didn't mind that.

"He's a bastard that became King of the North." Gendry argued. "If Jon can do that he can lead us to victory. He's done the impossible before. It isn't just because I love Arya, it's because I trust in him. The fact that he can take Daenerys from you and have you admiring him shows just how great he is."

I nodded. Even if Daenerys didn't love me and wanted Jon, I would still treat him with respect. I wouldn't risk her happiness for my jealousy. I would have let my true feelings haunt my mind as I kept a calm exterior.
 

JON SNOW
"Can you stop talking about Daenerys Targaryen's good heart, Davos?" I asked with a slight edge to my voice.

We were near one of the many cliffs of Dragonstone where Ghost had decided to take a nap. Currently he was lying on his back with his legs up. It seemed as if nothing frightened him at the moment but I knew that was a lie. If he sensed any danger he would be wide awake and ready to attack. A growl would start in his throat and exit his mouth.
"Any reason?" Davos asked with a chuckle.

"You should be talking about Missandei's good heart." I replied. "You look at her much more often than I look at Daenerys."

That was a lie. Davos was able to pull his eyes away from the former slave. He was able to concentrate on what he had to do even if the dark skinned beauty was in sight. Nowadays when I saw Daenerys it became extremely hard to concentrate on the task at hand. All I could do was think of how best to impress the woman that had taken my heart from me. No matter what I had to do.

"It would be rude not to acknowledge her." Davos pointed out. "Even if I wanted to look at her the way you do Daenerys, I wouldn't. She has found love in the arms of Grey Worm. It has been the topic of much gossip around here."

"No, it's only been gossip around you." I said with a small chuckle. "From what I've heard others had to inform you about Missandei already bedding someone. Someone that she will bed again once he returns."

"You are also misinformed about that."

His face had a large grin on it and I laughed. Talking like this made me feel as if I were home. It made me feel as if I were back in Winterfell where I should be. I shouldn't be down here where no Northener belonged. And yet it was where I should be as Daenerys called out to me even when she wasn't near.

I could close my eyes and it was as if I could see her clearly. Her eyes, hair, and every other part of her body. A body I knew was mine just as mine was hers. Even though in moments such as these I still had my doubts. Something felt wrong and yet I couldn't figure out why. She was perfect and she wanted me. Why should I doubt these feelings?

Maybe it was because of how easily she had gotten rid of Jorah Mormont. Her advisor had been seeking her affections for many years and had done much to please her. Yet she had easily tossed him aside once she had met me. Part of me knew that this was only because she loved me and felt the connection I did. Yet another part of me worried how loyal she could be if she could get rid of Jorah so easily.

"You thinking about her again?" Davos teased.

"No." I said as sternly as I could.

"You don't have to lie to me. You know everyone on this island knows you want her. The way you stare at her and talk about her makes it impossible for you to hide your feelings."

"And maybe you just know me too well."

"It could be that."

I knew I had won this argument for only a moment. The next time either of us spoke he would argue again or something else would distract us. Many things happened on Dragonstone that required my attention. Things that made me have to stop thinking about Daenerys, the woman I should hate and yet didn't. I now knew why so many men followed her. She had the beauty of Old Valyria. If I wasn't careful she could be the death of me. Yet that didn't bother me at all.

"I could never love a woman that throws an old friend away." I told Davos as Ghost woke up from his nap. "She only talks to Ser Jorah when her duty requires it."

"There is nothing wrong there." My friend and advisor argued. "Some men have to be pushed away from their desires. Sometimes in ways that seem cruel but are only meant in kindness."

"And that's what happened with you and Missandei?"

"I didn't know she was involved with Grey Worm. I would have never thought of pursuing her if I knew that."
Could it be that Davos understood Daenerys and Jorah so well because he could look through the exiled knight's eyes? I wondered if he felt sorry for the Mormont and went to him. Though it seemed as if loneliness and Tyrion Lannister tended to be Jorah's only company nowadays. Not that I paid him too much mind as I was more concerned about Daenerys than him.

"She won't throw you away so easily." Davos reassured me. "She didn't love him and she loves you. You are not in his situation."

"But what if she only loves me like she did Daario Naharis?" I asked him, recounting the name that Tyrion had told me. "Daenerys spent a lot of time with him and yet she tossed him away. From the Lannister's account she didn't shed one tear when they parted ways. She could love me like that. I could be tossed away like him."

"From what I've heard, you're not like Daario at all. The man was more childish than you and less noble. He betrayed his own men for her which is something I am sure you won't do. You are much smarter and won't do something that foolish. I am sure you will make yourself very valuable to the Targaryen."

I wanted to tell Davos that of course I would be honorable. That I would not betray my Stark upbringing. And yet a madness seemed to come over my mind when I thought about Daenerys. I did not tell my friend about my doubts.
* * *
I let out a groan as Ghost walked over to my bed. I recognized that look in his eyes and that movement in his legs. He needed to go relieve himself. As he was my direwolf, he was my responsibility. The day had tired me out, both in physical labor and my thoughts, so the promise of sleeping in my bed had seemed like a blessing. But now that blessing would have to wait.

After a minute I was prepared to walk across Dragonstone. In recent nights I hadn't needed to walk as slowly as before. Now I could hardly see and yet know exactly where I was going. Ghost let out a bark which caused Jorah to turn. For a brief moment there was fear in his eyes because of the large creature coming towards him.

"Ghost!" I yelled out and my direwolf stopped. "I'm sorry about him."

"There is nothing to be sorry about." Jorah replied as Ghost took a dump a few feet away from him. "I have been through worse situations than that."

"I can imagine."

I looked at the man and tried to see the monster that sold people into slavery. I couldn't see a monster no matter how hard I tried. All I could see was a man that cared. A man that was also restless. Maybe the war was making him need to take late night walks or maybe it was the fact that his love didn't want him. We weren't good enough friends for me to ask him about those things now.

"Do you think Daenerys can win, Ser Jorah?" I asked him as I tried to break the silence.

"Khaleesi can take the Iron Throne." He replied with the certainty I wanted to feel. "But I don't know how any of us will handle the dead army you talk about. Fighting the living is one thing, but fighting the dead is something else."

"So you believe me?"

For some reason his belief in me meant everything at the moment. It was probably the fact that at least someone on Daenerys' side didn't think I was insane. If he believed me he could talk to the Targaryen about me. No, he couldn't do that. She wasn't talking to him anymore. Not like she used to at least.

"I've seen dragons hatch." Jorah pointed out. "I've seen a woman unburnt from the fires that raged around her. You have no reason to lie to me and your story isn't the oddest I have heard."

"Why doesn't she believe me?" I asked.

He looked at me and it felt as if his eyes were penetrating to the very depths of me. I felt that if he wanted to kill me now he could. Ghost could move only so fast and now Jorah was closer to me. Thankfully he turned his gaze away from me and looked up to the stars. I didn't care why he had turned away from me, I was just glad he had.

"Some people are harder to convince than others." Jorah replied turning his head back to look at me with a less fearsome gaze. "My queen's goal has been to retake the Iron Throne. Most likely she sees your obsession with fighting the Night King as a mere distraction. Something that she doesn't need to worry about."

"How hard do you think it will be to convince the rest of Westeros?" I asked.

"Much harder. If it was merely about turning on Cersei more would join us, but you'll be asking them to fight an enemy they think is a mere myth."

Yes, it was hard to convince people of danger without proof. It would be suicidal to go beyond the Wall just for the chance that people would side with me. I had to trust that I could turn enough people to my side. I had risen from a mere bastard to Lord Commander of the Night's Watch to the King of the North. If I could do that I could surely convince enough people to join my side.

I had to believe that.

"I have full control of the North." I said. "I can count on them to stand by my side. Even the Wildlings are now with me. It's the South that is the problem. Are you sure that the Southerners won't just turn on Cersei once they see there is another option?"

Jorah raised one of his eyebrows and I could hear Ygritte saying, 'You know nothing, Jon Snow.' After his eyebrow returned to normal he was quiet. I hoped he was deciding whether or not his initial assumption was right or not. The other option was that he was deciding how to politely call me an idiot.
"No, turning them against Cersei won't be as easy as you think." Jorah finally replied. "Not only will you be asking them to fight against mythical creatures, Daenerys' army isn't one they will trust. She is a foreigner that has brought barbarians into Westeros. They will not understand her and with her burning people with Drogon, they will be even less likely to trust her."

"They will think she is her father's daughter." I agreed. "She isn't. She is something else. She's more pure than the Mad King could ever hope to be."

Jorah replied with nothing but a nod. I couldn't read his expression. The only thing I could tell was that he agreed with me. Daenerys Targaryen was not the Mad King. She would lead Westeros well and was someone worthy to being followed. My mind drifted from her sitting on the Iron Throne to her being underneath me.

Once the dream had passed I looked at Jorah. Again I couldn't read his expression but swore it was one of regret.

No comments:

Post a Comment